Crazy Awesome

Welcome to the antidote.

CHALLENGE TO CONSERVATIVES: Why Palin? October 7, 2008

I genuinely don’t understand the affection for Sarah Palin.  To me she comes across as uninformed, unprepared, ignorant, and condescending to the American people.  But an awful lot of people are rooting for her, and I would like to learn why.

Here’s my challenge to conservatives:  Why do you like Sarah Palin, other than that she’s an “average Joe” that people can relate to? I want to hear why people think she’d make a good vice president, not why people want to have her over for dinner.  Sabes?

INFORM ME!

Why do you like her?  I don't get it!

Why do you like her? I don't get it!

(P.S. Liberals – exercise your right to free speech too!)

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How Sarah Palin figures out what to say in public… October 6, 2008

See below, for an apt illustration of how Sarah Palin navigates questions in debates and interviews.

If you think it’s not true – look at the stats.  Since Barack named Joe Biden as his running mate, Biden’s done over 100 interviews/debates/etc.  Palin has done three, all of which were total disasters.  You don’t think so?  Hmmm…maybe you don’t remember this hot mess:

It was so rich in satire material that Tina Fey and Amy Poehler clearly couldn’t resist.  Hence last week’s SNL Palin/Couric spoof.

All signs are pointing to (let me hear it now!) Sarah Palin being woefully unprepared for the role of vice president of the United States of America.  You betcha!

(P.S.  Thanks to my Danish buddy Kathrine for the hilarious debate chart!)

 

Tina Fey rips Palin ANOTHER asshole with SNL VP debate spoof. October 5, 2008

I seriously hope Tina Fey gets an Emmy for her comedy work on SNL during the 2008 election.  Because this shit is amazing.  Queen Latifah (as the debate moderator) is such a blunt instrument of an “actress”, and Jason Sedakis (as Joe Biden) was a little obvious too – but who the f@#$ cares, for real.  Tina Fey as Sarah Palin was, as usual, SPOT on.  As my new roomie Joannah said last night, “It’s even funnier b/c half of it is taken verbatim!”  So true, JoJo, so true.

Some of my favorite moments:

 

“I think marriage should be a sacred institution between two unwilling teenagers.” (LOL!)

“I love Israel so much.  Bless it’s heart.”

“Oh, are we not doing the talent portion?” (Plays a flute)

“And for all of you Joe-Six-Packs at home playin’ a drinkin’ game: Maverick!” (Takes a ghost-swig.) – this one in particular made us laugh because, as you’ll remember from my vp debate breakdown, we actually tried to PLAY that drinking game. =)  Good times.

 

 

Hustler is making a spoof porn about Sarah Palin. Amazing! October 4, 2008

I love TMZ for these types of tidbits:

Sarah Palin is officially a legend! Hustler Video is shooting a porn with a look-alike titled “Nailin’ Paylin.” The spelling is sic and so is Hustler. You betcha!


The faux Sarah is Lisa Ann, who “will be nailing the Russians who come knocking on her back-door.” In another scene — a flashback — “young Paylin’s creationist college professor will explain a ‘big bang’ theory even she can’t deny!”

There’s also a threeway with Hillary and Condoleezza look-alikes.

The video is in pre-production, but is being fast tracked for release before the election.

The chick they’ve just hired to play Clinton in the three-way is well-known adult film star Nina Hartley. =)

 

I love this firstly because it’s hilarious, and secondly because it goes to the heart of the issue better than any reasoned rant by a political pundit.  Sarah Palin is popular because she’s a MILF.  The men want to do her, the women want to be her, and everyone can imagine sharing a low-cost drink with her – such as a fitty or some boxed wine.  All of which is fine and good, but THOSE ARE NOT THE QUALIFICATIONS FOR A FUTURE VICE PRESIDENT.  Hello!  

Seriously, think about it.  If Hillary Clinton had the qualifications of Sarah Palin, people would laugh her right out of the race.  Don’t even TRY to tell me they wouldn’t, because I would believe you.  Because you’d be lying.  

I’m just saying.

 

Matt Damon discusses the terrifying prospect of a “President Palin”

 

Watch Matt Damon, on CBS, talk about how seriously frightening and absurd it is that Sarah Palin could end up being our next President.  If 72-year old cancer survivor McCain kicks the bucket, we’ll be stuck with someone who believes dinosaurs were around 4,000 years ago against the Vladimir Putins of the world.  I especially love Matt’s comment that it’s like we’re stuck in a really bad Disney movie where the hockey mom becomes president.  He’s right!  This is like Air Bud or something.  Why is this actually happening!?

 

Biden is the clear winner, as those polled declare Palin “less intelligent”. October 3, 2008

Woot!  The stats are in, and all the media outlets are reporting Biden’s “win” in last night’s vice presidential debate – in many cases by a margin of more than 20 points!  Here are some of the deets (note: poll based on questions asked 611 adult Americans after the debate):

  • 26% said that Palin came across as more intelligent, while 56% thought Biden was smarter.  DUH.
  • 51% thought that Biden did the best overall in the debate, while 36% gave that honor to Palin.
  • 87% of those polled said they thought Joe Biden was qualified to be president, should the case arise.  Only 46% thought that Palin could do the job!
  • 84% said that Palin did better than they expected her to.  Well, that makes sense, given that Republicans have been relying on a tactic for the past 8 years of building super-low expectations so that mediocre performances “suprise” viewers with their “excellence”.  Anyone for some W.?
  • 43% of viewers thought that Biden spent more time attacking his opponent, while 36% thought it was Palin who challenged Biden more.  What happened to being a lipstick-wearing bulldog there, Sarah?  Guess next time you’ll have to think on your feet a bit more instead of regurgitating what your speechwriters have force fed you.  Shame.
  • 53% of debate watchers reported that Joe Biden seemed more likely to bring actual change to the White House.  Only 42% of people thought Palin had a chance of doing the same.

I wish there were more vice presidential debates!  Palin is SUCH an easy target for Biden, it’s almost shameful…but delicious!

 

“Drill, baby, drill!” (or) My Thoughts on Last Night’s VP Debate.

Joe Biden totally whupped Sarah Palin’s “Joe Six-Pack” ASS last night, and I loved every freaking moment of it.  She was everything I hoped she would(n’t) be, and MORE.

Biden made all of his points brilliantly.

Biden made all of his points brilliantly.

First of all, here’s why I thought Joe Biden rocked the casbah: the main complaint against him so far is that he doesn’t show enough discipline. In last night’s debate, however, he was even-keeled, respectful, diplomatic, and he toed the party line.  I also appreciate that he actually answered every question put to him, by the moderator or by Palin, in an intelligent, reasoned manner that typically included a bullet-point breakdown.  He didn’t give anyone room to say he treated Palin as less than an equal due to her inexperience, her lack of a capitol hill job, or her sex – something I give him major props for.  If I’d been on a stage with that buzz-word spewing, self-proclaimed bulldog, I would NOT have been able to keep a straight face.  Biden came across as charming, highly informed and educated, explanatory in a way that wasn’t condescending (something Barack needs to work on), and as a real person.  The last part was particularly crucial in an election that has become completely about the personal narrative and relatability of the candidates (thanks, Republicans.  Issues and policy are definitely not more important, right?).

He even managed to have an extremely poignant moment where he described his experience raising children by himself after the death of his first wife and daughter, and it was honest.  He got a little choked up, and so did we.  Most importantly, it didn’t ring of political pandering, the way Palin’s seriously unfortunate use of her son Trig does.

She doesn't even LIKE Trig.  It's pretty clear her pregnant 17-year old daughter Bristol is going to be raising this child.

She doesn't even LIKE Trig. It's pretty clear her pregnant 17-year old daughter Bristol is going to be raising this child.

Also, as a bisexual woman, I really appreciated Biden clearly stating that he would fight for gay couples to have all the same constitutional rights as straight couples, including rights of ownership, property, insurance, inheritance, and hospital visitation.  Thank you!

Biden & Palin, at the 10/4/08 Vice Presidential Debate @ Washington University in St. Louis, MO.

Biden & Palin, at the 10/4/08 Vice Presidential Debate @ Washington University in St. Louis, MO.

Lastly, I enjoyed the fact that Joe Biden didn’t try and mold himself into a double of Barack Obama.  He clearly has his own voice, his own opinion, and his own judgements – none of which makes him a “maverick” (God, I’m so sick of that word), it just makes him a good leader and a good politician.  He pointed out that, where it matters – on the major issues, he an Obama are in agreement.  He also mentioned that Barack chose him in part because he thinks healthy debate leads to more reasoned and effective leadership and legislation.

Now to Sarah Palin’s performance.  The following were some of my favorite moments in last night’s debate:

  • Palin clearly memorized her answers, but obviously not enough of them.  The entire debate she “answered” every question by saying something short and sweet like, “Well, I take issue with that,” and then backtracking immediately to energy policy, troops in Iraq, or tax cuts – the three things her people had drilled mercilessly into that narrow little mind of hers.  About 20 mintues into the debate, Biden actually called her on not answering any of the questions (I believe they were talking about health care), to which she promptly…DIDN’T ANSWER THE QUESTION.  AGAIN.  I was flabbergasted.
  • She was the queen of buzzwords.  My roommates and I tried to take a drink every time she said any of the following words, but realized after about 5 minutes that we’d soon be too sloshed to understand the rest of the debate: fear, patriotism, John McCain, John McCain, heating up the economy, tax cuts, what’s good for the American people, around the kitchen table, we must win the war, win, fear, security, war,  John McCain, maverick, energy sources in my state, fear, patriotism, John McCain, security.
  • When asked, “What promises are  you going to have to go back on since the event of the $700 billion dollar bail-out plan?”, Palin answered, “Well, I’ve only been at this about three weeks.  I haven’t made many promises to go back on.  What I will promise is to do what’s right for the American people.”  What garbage.  Also, way to point out that you have roughly three weeks of experience.
  • When asked if she would have voted along with McCain, two years ago, to make it more difficult for average Americans to declare bankruptcy and get out from under the strain of their impossible mortgages, she said, “Well, yes, but lots of things have changed in the past three weeks.”  Did it occur to anyone that if they had thought about these things two years ago, we might not BE IN the current financial crisis?  HELLO!
  • When asked about the causes and solution of global warming, she babbled something to the effect of, “I don’t want to argue about the causes of it…I’m not someone to blame every activity of man..man’s activity…but how we’re going to positively change the impacts of change.”  It was SUCH a run-around that it was unbelievable.  She was toeing the party line hardcore, taking the typical Republican stance of, “It’s my GOD-GIVEN right as a HUMAN BEING to do WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT TO, whether that involves aerosol, hummers, drilling in the Alaskan wilderness, or shooting my friends in the face.”  When it was Biden’s turn to respond, he went right for the throat with one simple sentence: “If you don’t understand the cause of something, it’s virtually impossible to find the solution.  MAN is the cause.” Brilliant.
No seriously.  This could be our next VP.

No seriously. This could be our next VP.

  • Palin literally said that the “chant we hear all over the country is ‘drill, baby, drill!”, because people are “so hungry to tap into those alternative energy sources.”  I’m pretty sure off-shore drilling and drilling in the Alaskan wilderness are not what people are talking about when they refer to “alternative energy souces”.  I’m pretty sure they mean wind power, solar power, nuclear power, and better fuel alternatives.  Drill, baby, drill!?  REALLY!!?
  • Palin blatantly said, pandering to the fundamentalists who are the foundation of her party, that she is against gay marraige.  Hilariously enough, when trying to say she’s tolerant of people making their own choices, she actually said, “I’ll be anything but tolerant of adults in America choosing who they want to be with.”  Lol.  Freudian slip, much?
  • She harped endlessly on our need to win in Iraq.  Here’s my question: WIN WHAT? Can any of you think of what the Iraqi uniform looks like?  Oh right, we’re not fighting THEM, we’re fighting “terrorists”.  The whole thing is such a gigantic load of stinking crap it makes me sick to my stomach.  We’re just killing their people and creating a breeding ground for fundamentalism.  It is, after all, what we’re good at.  Look at our own country!
  • While we’re on the subject, I’m really tired about hearing how Barack Obama “voted against funding for the troops”, like that’s some definitive proof he’s anti-American.  John McCain ALSO voted against funding for the troops, as Joe Biden pointed out.  The only difference was that one bill had a timeline for withdrawl from Iraq (the one Barack voted for), and one of them didn’t (the one McCain voted for).  So SHUT UP about it already, for the love of Christ.
  • She really did say NUCULER.  A lot.  She repeated it over and over.  The bitch doesn’t know what she’s TALKING ABOUT!
  • Does anyone know who AHCKmadinejad is?  OH…was she talking about Mamoud Ahmadinejad, the current president of the Islamic Republic of Iran?  *sigh* She also spoke to the threat that Afghanistan is currently posing, saying one way she would combat the issue is by “building our embassy in Israel”.  Yeah, since that’s definitely going to make everything better.  She is so uninformed!  Isn’t anyone concerned about her being a hop, skip, and a heartbeat away from running our country?  ANYONE?!
Mamoud Ahmadinejad, controversially speaking at Columbia University in NYC on 9/24/07.

Mamoud Ahmadinejad, controversially speaking at Columbia University in NYC on 9/24/07.

  • When asked about her foreign policy experience (other than the fact that she can “see Russia from where she lives”), Palin basically said, “well I had a great discussion with Henry Kissinger the other day.”  You can’t have foreign policy experince by proxy, Sarah.  It doesn’t work that way.
  • When discussing the current state of economy, and responding to Biden’s (accurate) claim that much of the issue is the result of Bush – and McCain’s – consistent policy of deregulation, Palin said, “Well, for a campaign that says they’re about change, there just seems to be an awful lot of finger-pointing backwards.  That’s not going to help.  But change is coming!  WE’RE going to do what’s right for the American people!”  (the last bit is a paraphrase…I didn’t get every single word).  She always speaks as if she’s addressing a 5th grade class!  Admittedly, that’s probably a brilliant tactic considering the intelligence and education of most of America, but STILL.  She doesn’t even try to raise the level of discourse in her country.  She propogates the mediocracy. Biden wisely responded to that load of gibberish by saying, “Past is prologue,” and we need to understand what went wrong in order to be able to move forward.
  • She really did a SHOUT-OUT.  No seriously, in the most somber of forums, she did a mf SHOUT-OUT.  I couldn’t believe it.
See?  I'm winking!  Don't you love me?  Don't you wish I was sitting at YOUR kitchen table?

See? I'm winking! Don't you love me? Don't you wish I was sitting at YOUR kitchen table?

  • When asked by the moderator if she agreed with Dick Cheney that the Vice President is not part of the Executive Branch and is instead powerful in its own right, she said she was “grateful that the constitution allows the vice president more power if that person wants it.”  Um, NO IT DOESN’T. Biden promptly corrected her, pointing out that the constitution clearly limits the vice president’s power to voting in case of a tie, and only then.  Other than that, the vp’s role is to advise the president on policy when advice is sought.  I can’t BELIEVE she AGREED with Dick Cheney!
  • She described the supporters of McCain/Palin as having “a diverse background of policy and partisanship.” Ha! SOMEONE GET THIS WOMAN A DICTIONARY, and PRONTO!

In any case, I sincerely hope Americans can get back on track about what presidents and vice presidents should be.  Admittedly, I’m not the authority on this topic.  I do, however, know that I don’t want a vice president who is, as Mrs. Palin describes herself, “a Joe six-pack Amercian”.  I don’t want someone who can pronounce neither foreign leaders’ names nor the NUCLEAR weapons their countries are currently working to produce.  I don’t CARE if I can relate to them!  I want someone who is articulate, and a leader.  Someone who is well-educated, understands diplomacy and debate, who is well-informed.  Someone who understands that foreign policy experience is about more than physical proximity to a foreign country.

Basically, I want Barack Obama and Joe Biden.