Crazy Awesome

Welcome to the antidote.

CHALLENGE TO CONSERVATIVES: Why Palin? October 7, 2008

I genuinely don’t understand the affection for Sarah Palin.  To me she comes across as uninformed, unprepared, ignorant, and condescending to the American people.  But an awful lot of people are rooting for her, and I would like to learn why.

Here’s my challenge to conservatives:  Why do you like Sarah Palin, other than that she’s an “average Joe” that people can relate to? I want to hear why people think she’d make a good vice president, not why people want to have her over for dinner.  Sabes?

INFORM ME!

Why do you like her?  I don't get it!

Why do you like her? I don't get it!

(P.S. Liberals – exercise your right to free speech too!)

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How Sarah Palin figures out what to say in public… October 6, 2008

See below, for an apt illustration of how Sarah Palin navigates questions in debates and interviews.

If you think it’s not true – look at the stats.  Since Barack named Joe Biden as his running mate, Biden’s done over 100 interviews/debates/etc.  Palin has done three, all of which were total disasters.  You don’t think so?  Hmmm…maybe you don’t remember this hot mess:

It was so rich in satire material that Tina Fey and Amy Poehler clearly couldn’t resist.  Hence last week’s SNL Palin/Couric spoof.

All signs are pointing to (let me hear it now!) Sarah Palin being woefully unprepared for the role of vice president of the United States of America.  You betcha!

(P.S.  Thanks to my Danish buddy Kathrine for the hilarious debate chart!)

 

Hustler is making a spoof porn about Sarah Palin. Amazing! October 4, 2008

I love TMZ for these types of tidbits:

Sarah Palin is officially a legend! Hustler Video is shooting a porn with a look-alike titled “Nailin’ Paylin.” The spelling is sic and so is Hustler. You betcha!


The faux Sarah is Lisa Ann, who “will be nailing the Russians who come knocking on her back-door.” In another scene — a flashback — “young Paylin’s creationist college professor will explain a ‘big bang’ theory even she can’t deny!”

There’s also a threeway with Hillary and Condoleezza look-alikes.

The video is in pre-production, but is being fast tracked for release before the election.

The chick they’ve just hired to play Clinton in the three-way is well-known adult film star Nina Hartley. =)

 

I love this firstly because it’s hilarious, and secondly because it goes to the heart of the issue better than any reasoned rant by a political pundit.  Sarah Palin is popular because she’s a MILF.  The men want to do her, the women want to be her, and everyone can imagine sharing a low-cost drink with her – such as a fitty or some boxed wine.  All of which is fine and good, but THOSE ARE NOT THE QUALIFICATIONS FOR A FUTURE VICE PRESIDENT.  Hello!  

Seriously, think about it.  If Hillary Clinton had the qualifications of Sarah Palin, people would laugh her right out of the race.  Don’t even TRY to tell me they wouldn’t, because I would believe you.  Because you’d be lying.  

I’m just saying.

 

Matt Damon discusses the terrifying prospect of a “President Palin”

 

Watch Matt Damon, on CBS, talk about how seriously frightening and absurd it is that Sarah Palin could end up being our next President.  If 72-year old cancer survivor McCain kicks the bucket, we’ll be stuck with someone who believes dinosaurs were around 4,000 years ago against the Vladimir Putins of the world.  I especially love Matt’s comment that it’s like we’re stuck in a really bad Disney movie where the hockey mom becomes president.  He’s right!  This is like Air Bud or something.  Why is this actually happening!?

 

Hillary Clinton on last night’s VP debate. October 3, 2008

Hillary Clinton is such a diplomat!  Hilarious.  Check out what she had to say about the two candidates for VP, below:

My roomies and I totally think he's handsome in an older guy kind of way.

My roomies and I totally think he's handsome in an older guy kind of way.

On Joe Biden:

She said, “Joe Biden was great. He put forward a flawless performance. I, like probably everybody else watching, was so moved by the authentic grief that caught in his throat when he talked about his own personal experience.”

Clinton is referring to Joe’s statement last night that he knew what it was like to raise children as a single parent, and that Palin should never question that.  His wife and daughter were killed years ago in a car accident that also severely injured his two sons.

I really hope I don't have to look at this face for four more years.

I really hope I don't have to look at this face for four more years.

On Sarah Palin:

“I think she’s very good. I always thought she would do well. It’s amazing. She’s been thrust into the national spotlight with very little preparation.”

Translation: “I can’t believe this stupid, small-town bitch is still on the ticket.  She has no experience.  At all. Why, God, WHY?”

Pretty funny, right?  

Do you think Biden was a better choice than Clinton, or the other way around?

 

Biden is the clear winner, as those polled declare Palin “less intelligent”.

Woot!  The stats are in, and all the media outlets are reporting Biden’s “win” in last night’s vice presidential debate – in many cases by a margin of more than 20 points!  Here are some of the deets (note: poll based on questions asked 611 adult Americans after the debate):

  • 26% said that Palin came across as more intelligent, while 56% thought Biden was smarter.  DUH.
  • 51% thought that Biden did the best overall in the debate, while 36% gave that honor to Palin.
  • 87% of those polled said they thought Joe Biden was qualified to be president, should the case arise.  Only 46% thought that Palin could do the job!
  • 84% said that Palin did better than they expected her to.  Well, that makes sense, given that Republicans have been relying on a tactic for the past 8 years of building super-low expectations so that mediocre performances “suprise” viewers with their “excellence”.  Anyone for some W.?
  • 43% of viewers thought that Biden spent more time attacking his opponent, while 36% thought it was Palin who challenged Biden more.  What happened to being a lipstick-wearing bulldog there, Sarah?  Guess next time you’ll have to think on your feet a bit more instead of regurgitating what your speechwriters have force fed you.  Shame.
  • 53% of debate watchers reported that Joe Biden seemed more likely to bring actual change to the White House.  Only 42% of people thought Palin had a chance of doing the same.

I wish there were more vice presidential debates!  Palin is SUCH an easy target for Biden, it’s almost shameful…but delicious!

 

The $700 billion bail-out bill has been signed into law.

Just a few hours ago, President Bush signed the highly contentious $700 “bail-out” bill into law, after it passed in the House by a margin of 108 votes.  The bill, which gives Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson the right to purchase up to $700 billion of “troubled assets”, is intended to help prop up the U.S. economy and prevent a further financial landslide.  Said Bush today, “By coming together on this legislation, we have acted boldly to prevent the crisis on Wall Street from becoming a crisis in communities across our country.”

Looks like the top member of the party that has long espoused small government, no government interference, deregulation, and completely free market capitalism is having to tuck his tail between his legs.

Although I imagine it will help our markets, if only by improving consumer confidence, I’m not a big fan of the fact that I’m being forced to pay between $3000-$5000 to socialize half of Wall Street.  The greedy bastards (our government, finance head honchos) should’ve had the foresight to prevent this crisis in the first place, and I’m of the opinion that unlimited cash + no rules = hot mess.  That’s why trust fund kids are always such total fuck-ups.  Looks like Wall Street just tapped into its trust fund.

Says Ben Bernanke, the Federal Reserve Chairman, “The legislation is a critical step toward stabilizing our financial markets and ensuring an uninterrupted flow of credit to households and businesses.”  Let’s hope this is true, and someone other than Giant Corp. X feels the benefits of this bill.

I do have to say that I’m disappointed in the members of the House, although it was my folly to expect something noble of them in the first place.  But when the bill didn’t pass on Monday, my friends and I thought, “Oh my God!  Our representatives are REPRESENTING us!  What a concept!”  Alas.  They were just looking for an opportunity to turn the bill into the biggest Christmas tree of all time, full of random – and expensive – earmarks.  Here are a few of my favorites:

  • An excise tax excemption for a very specific type of arrow used by child archers that will cost taxpayers $2million over 10 years.
  • Allowing production companies to write off the cost of making movies, which will cost taxpayers about $498million over 10 years.  Since Hollywood definitely doesn’t make enough money as it is…
  • A tax break on rum from Puerto Rico and the Virgin Islands that will cost taxpayers $192million.

What I really want to know is whether the bill that passed includes any of the limitations Barack Obama was pushing for, including help for people who can’t pay their mortgages, limits on executive salaries, and giving the public a stake in the businesses we’re saving.

Let’s hope this works, folks, or we’re fucked.